Mythical Beast: The Corporate Person Pecker-Wood
The Corporate Person Pecker-Wood is a mythical, protean personage created, ostensibly in the image of God, by the United States Supreme Court. The coming of the Corporate Person Pecker-Wood was prophesied by certain US Founding Fathers as one who would some day come to save the wealthy from the democratic mob. They thus cast this prayer upon the face of the money: “Annuit cœptis; Novus ordo seclorum (“He approves [our] undertaking; New World Order“). This prayer was an obfuscated version of a line from the fourth Eclogue of Virgil, which reads: iam nova progenies caelo demittitur alto, or, “now a new lineage is sent down from high heaven”. [It may not have been sent down from high heaven, but by George methinks it must stink all the way up to that place!–PR]
However, it was not until 1819 in the United States, in Dartmouth College v. Woodward, that the divinely anointed corporations were recognized as having rights to contract, and to have those contracts honored the same as contracts entered into by natural persons. The New World Order plutocrats had to wait another 67 long years for the 1886 case Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, 118 U.S. 394, for the Supreme Court to recognize corporations as persons for purposes of the Fourteenth Amendment. Some critics of corporate personhood, however, such as author Thom Hartmann in “Unequal Protection: The Rise of Corporate Dominance and the Theft of Human Rights,” claim that this was an intentional misinterpretation of the case that was improperly inserted into the Court record by reporter J.C. Bancroft Davis. Davis had previously served as the president of Newburgh and New York Railway Co. (Wikipedia)
Anyway, once those Sons of God had laid with those Bitches of the Supreme Court, the New World Order of Mammon did begin, and Corporate Giants strode across the Earth. And all the nations of the world were brought low, and were prostrated under the Giant’s invisible hand and foot.
Ethnobiology of the Corporate Person Pecker-Wood
A queer relative of the Corporate Person Pecker-Wood is commonly known as the Good Corporate Citizen Pecker-Wood.
The various subspecies can often be distinguished by careful comparison of their spin, public relations (PR), brand management (BM), bullshitting (BS), astro-turfing (AT), and green-washing (GW). Of course, you may have to cut them open to get at the necessary information. A simple, non-invasive, but reliable method of identification is the modern “fruit” method (Mt 7:16-20):
16 Yee shall knowe them by their fruits: Doe men gather grapes of thornes, or figges of thistles?
17 Euen so, euery good tree bringeth forth good fruit: but a corrupt tree bringeth forth euill fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth euil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Euery tree that bringeth not forth good fruit, is hewen downe, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
The Corporate Person Pecker-Wood (CPP-W) is distinct from a Natural Person (NP) in the following traits, some biological, and some behavioral:
|Eligible to hold public office||Yes||No|
|Eligible to vote||Yes||No|
|Able to bear live young||Yes||No|
|Fifth Amendment right||Yes||No|
|Physically co-located at more than one place at a time||No||Yes|
|Fiduciary duty to shareholders||No||Yes|
|Duty to maximize profit||No||Yes|
|Deduction of all expenses||No||Yes|
|Limited legal liability||No||Yes|
|Legal subsidiaries allowed||No||Yes|
Eyewitness account of a Corporate Person Pecker-Wood sighting:
A Corporate Person Pecker-Wood was last spotted convincing birds-of-a-feather cronies at the US Supreme Court to overrule an act of the Arizona Legislature that established public financing for Arizona state election campaigns. The Court agreed with the sniveling Pecker-Wood ninny-babies that public matching funds would have an undue chilling effect on the free flow of corporate, special interest cash which would, in turn, unfairly level the playing field. [Can I get a “Boo-Hoo” for the big-business ninny-babies?]
- “Supreme Court For Sale Sold“(PRA 2010)
Unequal Protection: Introduction, from “Unequal Protection: The Rise of Corporate Dominance and the Theft of Human Rights” by Thom Hartmann (www.thomhartmann.com)
- Move To Amend and Free Speech for People are coalitions launched following the US Supreme Court’s Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission decision that aim to overturn the Court’s advocacy for “corporate free speech via Amendment.
- ReclaimDemocracy.orgExtensive library of resources on the subject
- WILPF Campaign to Abolish Corporate Personhood
- Program on Corporations, Law, & Democracy
- Liberty Tree Foundation
- Gangs of America by Ted Nace: free book on the historical and legal bases of Corporations
- The Corporation 90-minute documentary film exploring the subject.
- Equal Rights for Blackwater! (Daily KOS)